My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize