I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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