Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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