hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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