My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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