What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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