so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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