I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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