Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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