shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
People in love make me want to vomit
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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