dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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