happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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