apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize