You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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