In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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