the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize