i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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