god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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