do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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