Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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