sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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