i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize