Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He shit in the fireplace
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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