Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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