dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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