Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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