Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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