i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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