First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize