do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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