you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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