I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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