it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
