is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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