Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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