im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize