YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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