I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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