Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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