Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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