So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
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I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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