after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think I just sharted jello shots
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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