I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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