I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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