I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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