I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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