he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize