Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
literally had 100 drinks last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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