i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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