What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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