people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize