i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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